Wow.  Artemis, I was exactly where you are now last year.   I was not married, but my partner and I had been together for 4 years.  I had lived with her and her kids for 2 years. I have no kids, never been married, but we were heading that way.   I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure last April 07, 1 year ago.  On my 41st b-day.   I had all the signs of SA, plus the heart damage on top of congenital heart problems.  But I did not snore and was only slightly overwieght.  Low BMI.  My cardiologist told me I would be dead in less then 2 yrs if I did not aggressivly treat my apnea.  

So she, my partner, said I dont have SA!  I dont have heart problems, my cardiologist is wrong!   Your just lazy, unmotivated, and hate my kids.  I showed her all the evidence from the dr's, and all the symptoms I had she complained about.  Well I hung in till I got my cpap machine, maybe that would convince her this is not in my head.   Well, the cpap machine bothered her because she thought this whole thing was a scam by the insurance, dr's, to milk me for money for something in my head that could be cured by losing 20 lbs, a nasal strip, and a therapist.

I got my cpap August 1st, 2007.  I moved out 2 weeks later.  She was in denial at worst, indifferent at best.  She finally realized that I was serious about my health, after I was gone.  I was dying, and wanted to live.    She was not going to support me like I helped support her and her kids?  Then I was gone!  Been out of the house ever since.   My cpap is working, my heart is now stronger, as I have posted my success on this site many times.  I am controlling my apnea, and hence my health has improved about 90% in 8 months!   Well my partner has tried to patch things up and we still see each other occassionally.  But, so much damage has been done.   I tried to convince her I was serious and she did not listen.   Well, that was the biggest mistake of her life.    The only thing mitigating her position is that she and I were having other serious problems with her kids, her boys were having major problems.    And maybe she just didnt want another problem.   Which it wasnt!   I was just asking for understanding and support.   So I could be healthier and stronger for her and her kids.   If you want, have your wife read this post!    While she may not be swayed, it may create a curiosity in her that this is something worth getting informed and educated on.  If she really loves you, she will!    Now I have to ask myself everyday, does my partner really love me?  Is she worth loving?  It all really sucks.  But I did what I had to do.  

Jabert

jabert wrote:

Wow.  Artemis, I was exactly where you are now last year.   I was not married, but my partner and I had been together for 4 years.  I had lived with her and her kids for 2 years. I have no kids, never been married, but we were heading that way.   I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure last April 07, 1 year ago.  On my 41st b-day.   I had all the signs of SA, plus the heart damage on top of congenital heart problems.  But I did not snore and was only slightly overwieght.  Low BMI.  My cardiologist told me I would be dead in less then 2 yrs if I did not aggressivly treat my apnea.  

So she, my partner, said I dont have SA!  I dont have heart problems, my cardiologist is wrong!   Your just lazy, unmotivated, and hate my kids.  I showed her all the evidence from the dr's, and all the symptoms I had she complained about.  Well I hung in till I got my cpap machine, maybe that would convince her this is not in my head.   Well, the cpap machine bothered her because she thought this whole thing was a scam by the insurance, dr's, to milk me for money for something in my head that could be cured by losing 20 lbs, a nasal strip, and a therapist.

I got my cpap August 1st, 2007.  I moved out 2 weeks later.  She was in denial at worst, indifferent at best.  She finally realized that I was serious about my health, after I was gone.  I was dying, and wanted to live.    She was not going to support me like I helped support her and her kids?  Then I was gone!  Been out of the house ever since.   My cpap is working, my heart is now stronger, as I have posted my success on this site many times.  I am controlling my apnea, and hence my health has improved about 90% in 8 months!   Well my partner has tried to patch things up and we still see each other occassionally.  But, so much damage has been done.   I tried to convince her I was serious and she did not listen.   Well, that was the biggest mistake of her life.    The only thing mitigating her position is that she and I were having other serious problems with her kids, her boys were having major problems.    And maybe she just didnt want another problem.   Which it wasnt!   I was just asking for understanding and support.   So I could be healthier and stronger for her and her kids.   If you want, have your wife read this post!    While she may not be swayed, it may create a curiosity in her that this is something worth getting informed and educated on.  If she really loves you, she will!    Now I have to ask myself everyday, does my partner really love me?  Is she worth loving?  It all really sucks.  But I did what I had to do.  

Jabert

Wow...what a story.

Good thing you found out early.  If she is so opposed to something as simple as a CPAP machine, she surely couldn't handle a REAL medical problem, like a spinal or head injury.  If you cant rely on your spouse to be there for you when you are truly ill, when CAN you rely on them?!

DEFINITELY do NOT discourage her from reading over your shoulder!! She can learn something too! I am 5'4", weigh 110 lbs and have weighed between 105 and 115 since I was 13 years old except weight gain during 4 pregnancies and severe weight loss due to Crohn's disease (down to 89 lbs prior to a resection) AND I HAVE SLEEP APNEA AND USE A CPAP!

I was Dx'd w/sleep apnea when I was most active: working full time as a rural letter carrier on a heavy-duty, over-burdened route, showing dogs 2-4 weekends a month, caring for a kennel of 20 dogs, helping an elderly mother a one hour one way drive away 2-3 evenings a week .... I was tossing 50 lb bags of dog food 7 days a week, scooping poop and disposing of it, grooming several heavily coated dogs and keeping at least 2-3 in show condition ... my doctor thought it was my active life style that caused my exhaustion. I had to self-refer myself into a sleep lab to get Dx'd.

Did I mention 3 horses and mucking stalls? Western saddles aren't light weight. Nor are bags of grain and bales of hay. Yup, I had to do a lot of that too as my daughter was in college an hour away and only coming home on weekends. Hubby was working seven days a week.


_________________
Some people are like Slinkies... Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
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Tell her this:

You are my wife and I love you.  I'm really concerned, even a little scared with what I'm hearing about my health right now and could really use your support at this moment.

Or:

While I was awake last night I noticed you were snorking and jostling around then you'd stop breathing for what seemed quite long then you'd snorke around again and... etc.

Or:

Gee Honey, I've been reading some stuff in an Apnea forum and I'm kinda concerned... You may have...

No. Maybe not tell her any of that.  If she just cant adjust to your situation right now, hopefully, she will in time.  The alternative SUCKS!

For now, be selfish, do it all for you!  You will not regret living a longer and healthier life.

And yea, what Barry AND Jabert said!

You should just dump her, she sounds like an inconsiderate little cow. Dumb too.

I had to laugh at Noddy's post... mostly because I was thinking the same thing and didn't really have the nerve to say it...


   How long ago was it that you were 20 pounds lighter?   I guess to some degree it doesn't matter... but  if it was long ago... you might point out to her that people tend to develop and/or get worse sleep apnea as they get older...

From everything I've read... reducing weight might help sleep apnea some, but it will not cure it...


 I'm a recovering addict... and one of the first things you have to learn to recover from that is... that you have to do it by yourself... While having others support is helpful, it's only your own personal attitude that is really important...   I think this also should apply to getting though sleep apena tretment...

I am grateful that I had my wife's support... and even my works support. Cause my first week on CPAP was worse then before I used the machine. I felt bad that first week... I took a couple hours sick time each day... woke with headaches and they went on most of the day...   It was hard for me to want to continue to keep trying, but I did... and after that first week I started to feel better...    During that time I had three co-workers tell me they had been diagnosed with sleep anpea and never were able to get used to sleeping with CPAP and they all gave up on it...  Now that I'm feeling better with CPAP, I am sure glad I didn't give up.

  So... whatever you do... Do it for you... and do whatever it takes.  If you have to... just ignore the negativity around you...

as a last resort... go back and read Noddy's post. :)

artemis wrote:

Hi all, I am a bit frustrated with my wife. As per my doctos request, I have completed my first sleep study and I was diognosed with sleep apnea. I go in for my second visit (titration) this Sunday. I am all for me getting better and finally sleeping through the nght. The problem is my wife isn't supporting me with the whole process. She thinks I can loose weight and get over the Apnea. She claims I didn't have the apnea when I was 20 lbs lighter. Can someone point me to a good article or give some advice? How can I educate her? I have told her of possible death, stroke etc...Thanks Art

Art both of you are correct. You know you need to use the cpap and I agree 100%.
I also can see your wife's point of view that losing weight can help you have less apneas. but there is no guarantee that losing weight means no sleep apnea.

My suggestion to you is lose the additional weight as well as get started on the cpap if that is what the sleep study suggests. Losing weight will make you fitter and cannot harm you in any way.
I have just posted a new thread on Yoga for breathing. Give that a shot too.

While cpap is great in the long run one can become dependent on the positive air pressure from cpap that we become lazy breathers.. Long run is like 20 years in my case     from 1989 to 2008



Last edited by Ramboaus on Sat May 10, 2008 4:13 pm; edited 1 time in total
_________________
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Ram
http://www.vadclub.com

I had the same problem with my spouse.  His comments are 'loose weight... work out....and it will go away.  He seems to think the cpap is a luxury, something I don't have to use.  He doesn't care to understand the seriousness of it.  I'll use it irregardless of what he thinks.  I've educated myself to the dangers.


_________________
Forneyfrau
From Forney, TX
Resmed Adapt SV with Resmed Quattro FF Mask
AHI 93
Primary Central Apnea
Diagnosed 4/8/2008

forneyfrau wrote:

I had the same problem with my spouse.  His comments are 'loose weight... work out....and it will go away.  He seems to think the cpap is a luxury, something I don't have to use.  He doesn't care to understand the seriousness of it.  I'll use it irregardless of what he thinks.  I've educated myself to the dangers.

I believe I have had sleep apnea from teenage years. I was always tired in the mornings after an eight hour sleep. All my family members accused me of being a lazy bum and later after my marriage my wife said I was unfit and stressed out. It was a doctor friend who realised on a trip to a farm that I in fact snored like a tractor and then there would be pin drop silence and then a sputter and and choke and snoring all over again.


_________________
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Ram
http://www.vadclub.com

Ram, it sounds like you have a bad plug wire... or some bad gas, or maybe even a cracked distributer cap.. :)

sleepy42 wrote:

Ram, it sounds like you have a bad plug wire... or some bad gas, or maybe even a cracked distributer cap.. :)

More like water in the fuel pipes  
or a battery that lost its charge every night    


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Ram
http://www.vadclub.com

artemis:  Just thought you'd be interested.  Since being diagnosed with OSA last June, I worked at and succeeded in losing nearly 30 lbs and exercised on a treadmill then joined a gym and improved my body as well.  I was rewarded by being able to lower my pressure from 11 to 8 but I still have OSA.

Maybe your wife should be given a choice: a thinner dead husband or one with CPAP.  Unless she has a working crystal ball and a medical degree, I'd give some thought to Javert's post.  An unsupportive wife you do not need.


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ResMed S8 Elite, F&P Flexifit 406, Optilife
AHI 54/hr, Pressure 8, desat. 73

If your wife's attitude with your OSA is the only problem you two are having, then it is due to her ignorance about the condition...she needs educating.  However, if there are other problems with her or your marriage then the OSA may only be the catalyst to a problematic marriage, in which case, you need to look further for the real problem(s) and handle those accordingly.  Just my $.02.


_________________
OSA Sleep Test 8/29/07, AHI 64, Sat. 74%
Titrated 10/1/07, Pressure 13
BiPAP Auto M Series w/Humidifier, set at 13/8
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Ram...it was due to the tiller on the back of the tractor!

artemis wrote:

Hi all, I am a bit frustrated with my wife. As per my doctos request, I have completed my first sleep study and I was diognosed with sleep apnea. I go in for my second visit (titration) this Sunday. I am all for me getting better and finally sleeping through the nght. The problem is my wife isn't supporting me with the whole process. She thinks I can loose weight and get over the Apnea. She claims I didn't have the apnea when I was 20 lbs lighter. Can someone point me to a good article or give some advice? How can I educate her? I have told her of possible death, stroke etc...Thanks Art

Art, I have read all the responses and I am surprised how quickly so many have condemned your wife only because she believes your sleep apnea will go away if you lose weight. Trust me there are thousands of doctors in this world who do not no zilch about sleep apnea. Sleep apnea is a disease of the western world in the land of milk and honey. Good living good food and junk food and colas and before we know we are like hippos.

May be your wife married a thin and handsome man and she wants him back and I am sure she has been at you to lose weight long before sleep apnea was even thought about. If this is the case she should be forgiven for trying to make her point forcibly now as you have OSA.

I was a slim 65 kilos in 1978 and in 2008 I am a big 95 kilos. Not really fat but there is a lot in the middle. Not that I did much exercise to lose weight. It was not only the life style but also OSA that caused weight gain.

This is the point you have to drive home and OSA causes weight gain and treating OSA is the first step in a weight loss program..

It is strange that your wife does not mind your snoring. I have been wearing the cpap since 1989 and some nights I get into bed and relax thinking I will put the ask on a bit later.. I does off and start to snore immediately. Within minutes I get poked in the ribs and get told I need to wear the mask as I am snoring. Not only does my wife care for my well being she cares for hers too as she is a light sleeper and cannot tolerate my snoring for even a few minutes. Nights when I have bad cold and keep taking the mask off will make my wife grab her pillow and doona and shift to the next bedroom.

So Art go easy on your wife mate. Try drag her along to the sleep study and get your doctor or technician to explain that weight gain is caused by OSA and that will make a lot of sense to her.


_________________
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Ram
http://www.vadclub.com