my husband has OSA with @110 episodes in 1 hour and over 500 in 4 1/2's of sleep during a sleep study. He is scheduled to have his tonsils removed and his uvula and soft pallet reduced on June 15th. My thing is it seems to me that he has had a big personality change with the osa, i understand on one hand that he "cant help it" bc of lack of sleep but on the other hand he is a big boy and knows what he is saying and doing. It has gotten to where my children are seeing it and any time I try and talk to him about it he turns it around on me and about the fact that I don't ever really want sex. Like that is the reason that he is the way that he is. I am sorry but I am to the end. Has anyone else noticed personalty changes in your spouse with OSA. Any and all advise would be greatly appreciated.

Momma7876,

Your husband sounds like he has OSA real bad like myself. Even with treatment there are times when it seems like the whole world is crashing in on us and unfortunately we release without realizing what we are doing. Yes we are big boys, but even the strongest cannot control themselves at times. The only cure all of this is time, especially if he just started treatment. The body needs time to heal and the mind needs to be refreshed. After 20 years on c-pap therapy I can honestly say that some mornings I wake up and have trouble focusing. This leads to fustration and even the little things are tough to cope with. Try to find ways to break through your husbands fustrations and also find ways to bring a calm to the storm. My wife will say or do something really silly and that makes me stop and think. In time these episodes will dissipate and all of you can resume a more normal life.


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Taz

"I can't do anything about the past. I have no idea what will happen tomorrow. What matters is the present. And, just in case tomorrow should never come, I'm going to use the present as constructively as I can." (unknown)

thank you for the advice. Have you or your wife ever noticed a personality change in you due to OSA?

My husband reported that I had a personality change as my apnea became worse.  My personality returned to near normal/tolerable after getting a cpap.

Edited to add:  It's not about being a "big boy".  If someone would awaken you over 100 times every hour, all night,  imagine how exhausted, frustrated, fed up with life, overwhelmed, sick and tired you'd feel.  You try to sleep and  feel like you work all night.  It's suffocation.

It should get better with a cpap.



Last edited by Dianne on Fri May 29, 2009 6:03 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Dianne's: Remstar Auto M, C-flex, humidifier, smart card. Mask: Swift LT, AHI- 23, lowest blood ox 80%.

John's: Same cpap, Mask: Respironics Profile-lite mask.
severe apnea, Cpap user for more than 20 years.

Mama,

As with anybody lack of sleep will alter ones personality mostly on a short term basis, so as your husband becomes compliant to therapy he will start to feel better and his mood should revert to what it once was. It is human nature to lash out when we do not feel good or are tired. Imagine yourself only sleeping one to two hours a night even for only a month. You would be so fatieged that it would be difficult to be charming and agreeable and the first emotion that would normally come out is anger, even though that anger isn't directed at those you hurt. This isn't an excuse only a possible explanation for his moods. Good luck and keep us posted.


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Taz

"I can't do anything about the past. I have no idea what will happen tomorrow. What matters is the present. And, just in case tomorrow should never come, I'm going to use the present as constructively as I can." (unknown)

So that you all know the main reason I use the words "big boy" is bc we do have 2 little boys a 5 year old and a 10 year old. They are the ones i worry about. He yells at them for the smallest things. If the 10 yr old cleans but not "dads way" he gets told that he is a "piece of s#!@" or "worthless" how would any of you mothers feel hearing your kids talked to that way! So yes once again I say he is a big boy and know what he is doing, and by the way I have been dealing with little sleep myself due to my own medical condition (neuropathy) but I would never talk to my boys that way and I never have. Sorry that just had to be said bc it feels that most of you are just attacking me not trying to help.

Don't take our advice as a personal attack on you.  We were missing some information that you just provided.  

Did your husband call the kids names before his apnea got worse?  Maybe he needs to know you're not going to put up with abuse of the kids. Tell him that yelling at the kids, name calling of kids, cursing at them, is off limits.  You probably don't want sex because you're fed up with his behavior...  All of this might be UNrelated to his apnea.


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Dianne's: Remstar Auto M, C-flex, humidifier, smart card. Mask: Swift LT, AHI- 23, lowest blood ox 80%.

John's: Same cpap, Mask: Respironics Profile-lite mask.
severe apnea, Cpap user for more than 20 years.

Yes this behavior has become more severe sence his osa has progressed. i will say that we had a "break thru" today. We were having car problems and he blew up at me and the boys, well without me saying anything a few hours later he said he was sorry to all 3 of us. this is the 1st time he has ever "noticed" that he was out of line. I did tell him that he MUST watch what he is saying bc the boys did nothing wrong and even if they did the cursing is not called for. (and yes he has called them names). So long story short this has been sence the osa has gotten as bad as it is.

and on the sex issue you have hit the nail on the head!!!

Momma, I am concerned that they are NOT talking cpap (maybe you mentioned it but I dont' see it).  Surgery has spotty results, I would encourage you to read the post here regarding the lack of results from surgery.

I too was over 100 per hour and I can honestly say that living was EXHAUSTING.  I did not ever call names to my children (thought them but never verbalized) but we are all different.  I am NOT excusing your husbands behavior as children NEVER deserve to be treated that way, but I would encourage you to see about him starting cpap immediately.  Surgeons will mostly always say, "cut" but a sleep doc will give you all options.  Call one ASAP or see if your family doc it familiar with cpap and order one as soon as possible.

Post the results of the sleep study and we can chime in on that for you.  You will find a wealth of support and information here, just ask.


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~ElleMarie~ One day at a time......are you kidding me?.....sometimes it's just one minute at a time.

Jun 2007 AHI 100.7 started cpap at 9** Oct 2007-11** April 2009 Bipap-15/10
Respironics auto M w/ Optilife nasal pillows

we tryed a cpap for about a year and we are still at this point. our pcp, the ent and the sleep specialist all are on the same page on the surgery the sleep doc actually is the one that mentioned it.

Momma7876,  did you post your question about the surgery on another section of this forum?  There are people who are more knowledgeable about this type of surgery and the outcome.  Please post the question there.

ElleMarie is right about "where's the cpap?".  Is it coming in addition to the surgery?


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Dianne's: Remstar Auto M, C-flex, humidifier, smart card. Mask: Swift LT, AHI- 23, lowest blood ox 80%.

John's: Same cpap, Mask: Respironics Profile-lite mask.
severe apnea, Cpap user for more than 20 years.

no i have not posted anywhere else. on the cpap he has been on one for @ 1-1 1/2 yrs now and it is not helping, the ent says that it wont and the sleep doc agrees bc he has moderate closure of the throat and we need to address that so that other methods can have a chance to help

WELL HE GOES IN FOR SURGERY IN THE MORNING AT 9-9:30, SO IF YOU ARE A PERSON OF FAITH PLEASE BE PRAYING FOR HIM.

Best of luck Momma!  Make sure he has follow up sleep studies... not just in the next few months but on going for the future years.  Surguries usually only help lower the AHI and pressure needs..but xPAP is still needed.


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I am A ZOMBIE! 20 years+ undx'd. BiPAP Auto M 14/9. Nasal Swift&F&P Flex Fit 431 Full Face. RLS/PLMD, Primary CNS Hypersomnia, Sleep Paralysis, Parasomnia, Degenerative Disc Disease, Clinical MS, Fibromyalgia, COPD plus other past dx's..what's next?