'Twas the night after Christmas, when all through the house
Not a person was sleeping, not even my spouse.
My mask was in place, the straps tightened with care,
With luck I would sleep with no leaking air.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of neti pots danced in their heads.
And mamma in her earplugs, and I in my Cpap,
Had just settled down for a long snore-free nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew but, alas,
Still tethered to the Cpap I fell on my a$$.

The moon and the stars that circled my head
Eventually cleared and I went back to bed.
When, what to my watery eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment I must have hit my head pretty hard during that fall.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now, Ipap! now, Epap! now, Bipap and Cpap!
On, Alpha! on Delta! on, Apap and Vpap!
To the top of the...uh...umm...the top of...oh dear!
I've forgotten where we're going. Just park it here!"

As dry heaves that before a violent hurl fly,
Okay, let's not even go there.

Picking up several verses later:

He had a thick neck and a little round belly,
That shook, when he coughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was sluggish and sleepy, and late by a day,
And I knew right away he had OSA.

A rub of his eyes and a shake of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
His red eyes were puffy as he started his task
His cheeks sported stripes from the straps of his mask.

His droll little mouth was stretched out in a yawn,
No way was this dude gonna finish by dawn.
So, emboldened I offered a piece of advice
"Check the pressure settings on your xpap device."

"You'll wake up refreshed when your settings are right.
No more brain fog and tiredness as you work through the night."
He spoke not a word, and went on with his work
But he soon nodded off, then woke with a jerk.

Startled, he sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,
"You big doof. I'm a sleep paralysis induced hallucination. Wake up and get some help!"