Hello Everyone,

I am new here, I do not have SA but I am posting this as I feel so desperate for my partner, some of you will know his name, KEITH ECKSTEIN from France, well just as a resume, he was diagnosed with CSA in September last year, and has had a few difficulties in coming to terms with his CPAP machine, then suddenly just before Xmas everything seemed to be working out fine and he was sleeping for England! up to 18 hours a day sometimes, mostly with his mask, which was great. Ours was a new relationship in May last year when suddenly in July he went right downhill feeling so ill and at that time he didn't know what was wrong, I didn't see him again till just before Xmas with hardly any contact by way of e-mails which was very hard and very testing.

We got back together just before Xmas and resumed where we left off! well he came on leaps and bounds, obviously still not 100% but well on the way and we were enjoying life and each other, until up to 3 weeks ago when he went back to work full time after being off for 6 months, now he caught a cold which meant that he couldn't wear his mask which in turn meant that he was lacking oxygen again and having lots of apneas, his cold eventually went but he still cant use his mask after 2 weeks as his nose is so so sore, so we are back again where we were last summer, he just cannot see people or be around them, I find this very hard again, I am at my wits end I don't know which way to turn, I so want to help but he has cut himself off totally from everybody including me and that hurts, I gather he is still managing to work though but not sure as there is no contact, what I wanted to ask is, does anybody know what he can do about his sore nose, I gather it is quite a common problem, he has tried KY jelly but that doesn't seem to help, if only I could find an answer things would be better for him and for us eventually, does anybody know what else he could try, I love this guy beyond belief but I feel so frustrated that I cannot help him and that our relationship is suffering again!  

Thanks very much for letting me post this, I  feel a bit of a fraud as I am not a sufferer of SA,  any help would be gratefully received.

Thank you

Jilly

Hi Jilly,

Hey, you are not a bit of a fraud.  You care deeply for your partner and only want him to get his health on track, that is certainly understandable.  It sounds like you pretty supportive but I also know it can be hard to be supportive at times.  

It's often hard to use cpap when we have a cold or flu.  I don't know what kind of mask he uses, but if it's the kind that covers just the nose or are the nasal pillows at the nostrils, then it's hard to use those when you're all stuffed up.  And it can be hard to bear the cpap air pressure when your throat is sore.  But he might consider investing in a full face mask if he doesn't have one already, one that covers the nose and mouth, or the new kind that covers the mouth but uses nasal pillows.  These are used by mouth breathers, but for some people who aren't normally mouth breathers it helps to have one around just for these types of situations.  Just a suggestion.


Linda

Hi Linda,

Thanks for your reply, yes I do care for him very deeply, but I am also very frustrated as I read other things into the reason why he isn't contacting me!  I am very supportive but very hard to keep motivated when there is no response, but then I try to put myself in his position as much as is humanely possible, and I count myself lucky not be suffering like he and all of you are, and continue to be as supportive as is possible.

Yes I understand that its difficult for him (and anybody else) with a cold to use the nose mask,  (ResMed Autoset S8 Spirit with Fischer and Paykel nasal mask), I have wondered if the full mask would help, and perhaps the new mouth one as you suggested at these particular times when he has a cold. We have agreed that when we move in together in the next few months that if I get a cold, which is quite rare, we will sleep in separate rooms which is only fair to him.

Thanks again


Jilly

Jilly,

Gosh, relationships can be very complicated.  I do hope you know each other well before making big life decisions.  Sleep apnea is a medical condition and its symptoms affect so many things.  But they do not reflect everything about a person.  It must be tough to see past the the illness and see the person.  You must think of yourself, how you wish to live, and that you understand as much as possible what you are getting in to ... with or without sleep apnea.  You said I am also very frustrated as I read other things into the reason why he isn't contacting me."  I don't know what those reasons are.  I hope you two are able to talk things through, at least during the better times, and to understand one another's needs.  Moving in together is a big step.  Make sure you personally feel good about it.  And good luck to you, I wish you well.


Linda

I know this is not a love help forum, but, reading the posts what it might happen to him is that, in the first place it is difficult to accept this disease, you said that it has been a couple of months since he was diagnosed with SA; second, a lot of men feel very vulnerable when a disease attacks them, because of the tendency that they can beat anything, macho, etc, making them feel vulnerable, powerless, and therefore miserable;plus the fear you feel when you realize that you are prone to so many aggregated diseases that come along with the SA, plus, the obstacles you find while adjusting to any kind of treatment proposed. But, in fact, it is great to find a supportive and caring partner with whom you can take out all your frustations when you need to, as well as this partner helps you to keep an eye on your treatment; also, you said that he just came back to work again, that is another plus to the already shaken ego and mood, the stress of the coming back to work, the thousand of worries about sleep apnea and illnesses, plus to deal every night with your cpap until you really come to appreciate it; tough situation but nevertheless life saving;  If the nose is still bothering him, it is a good idea to check with the ENT, maybe his airways are very dry and he might need humidifer if he is not wearing one, allergy might be the case also, etc; there are a lot of reasons why this might be happening and it is interfering with his sleep apnea treatment, so it is good that an ENT checks him. Best regards and if you really love him, be there for him; sometimes when we are face with big tests in our lives is when we realize how important our partner is.  

lLINDA Thanks for your kind wishes. Yes I am sure of what I am getting into and am very much looking forward to it - I know there are going to be lots of ups and downs, but nobody said life was easy, as we say over here 'c'est la vie'  thats life!  

MELHAJJ  No he was diagnosed 6 months ago with SA, the first 3 months were difficult for him definately, then it all seemed to slot into place - so to speak until recently, but you are dead right about the macho, pride bit which I can understand, which is stopping him and no doubt other men from accepting help.  I think things would be better if we were actually living together before this all happened because then i would be there on hand for support.  I will mention to him about going to an ENT, my guess is that he could be allergic to something.  Thanks for replying to me.  

you are very welcome; be there for him; remember, love can move mountains. just imagine yourself facing the same situation, how would you feel? then, you will know how to treat and approach him. the first thing that usually happens when a serious disease attacks us, we think: why me? be there for him, full of love and understanding, he will appreciate it even if he does not show it now.

Hi Melhajj  I totally agree with everything you say, and that is exactly what I do - I have often put myself in his position to see how I would feel, I am there all the time (24 hours if need be) for him giving him love, understanding and support as much as is possible and he knows that - unfortunately its down to him really to start to respond, I cant do much more!  Its very very frustrating for me!