Dianne It sound like you know about this person, BobbieD mentioned in her post her husband was a nurse by trade and works for the government. This even angers and upsets me even more! Her husband should know better!This post has bothered me allot the last few days!, I even talked with my wife about this post, and that is unusual for me, as she has very little interest at all in my sleep apnea, and even less with my interest in this forum. so I normally don't say much about any of this sleep apnea stuff to her. But as I said this post bothered me! If you have read any of my other posts you might know I am also a nurse, I know Nurses and Doctors  have a reputation of "do what I say not as I do" and often they do not take care of them selves, but most nurses are very much aware and caring and compassionate of others including family members! That is what makes this so difficult!, How can he not see what he is doing to his family?  I will think some more about this, there has to be some way to get thru to her husband!


_________________
White Beard with a White Beard
Resmed VPAP Adapt SV Enhanced, HumidAire 2i, ResLink with Model 8000 Flex sensor Pulse Oximeter, and ResScan 3.5 software. Respironic EverFlo OPI Oxygen Concentrator 3 lpm
EEP 9.0, min PS 6.0, max PS 16.0

I know how I FINALLY broke through to my husband, but don't know the right words to break through for BobbieD.  I used a tape recorder, 20 years ago.  Husband was very impressed by his lack of breathing.  Since then he has helped several of his friends who also have apnea but were in denial.  He felt SO MUCH BETTER, that he was on a mission to save them, too.

CPAP's have improved greatly over the years.  They are now whisper quiet.  The early models tended to be like a louder whirring fan, but over the years they have greatly improved.

Some people think of using a CPAP as though the spouse were ill or weak.  Actually, it can prevent high blood pressure from escalating and prevent a stroke that could lead to an early entrance in a nursing home or cemetery.  

I suspect that eye glasses were once thought to be a sign of weakness, too.  We got over that, didn't we?

Doctors/Nurses ARE notorious for NOT taking care of their own health.  I recently saw statistics that indicated they have physicals about every 7 years.

BobbieD, is it time for your husband's physical?  Slip the file card to your husband's doc in advance of the appointment.  You might wish to submit it to the doc with a CONFIDENTIAL cover letter indicating that he should NOT see or know that you have done this.  If he won't go to the doc, then you need to have a consultation with the doc and ask for help.  I've done this with family members as well.

Don't give up as apnea could well lead to HIS death, and maybe your own or your children.  

Never, never, never give up.

Dianne

Hello there!

I am new to this forum...  My husband has sleep apnea and also ADHD.  He does not willingly wear his CPAP and in fact, tries hard not to.  Of late, his mask has been "broken."  He has stated that he wants to try the one that is more comfortable, has the tubes to the nose instead of the head gear, etc., but he has not done anything about getting it.  I saw the Nasal Aire II and the cheapest I have found it is $75.  Does anyone know anything about this one and the best and most affordable place to get it?

Also, my husband acts most objectionable on a regular basis.  He does have ADHD, and does take medicine for that, but I have noticed a frequent pattern of his overly dramatic and emotional behavior when he lacks sleep, either by choice or restless night.  Could his extreme moods and episodes be due to the untreated sleepapnea?  I almost think he is bi-polar at times, but I wonder if it is actually a combination of the ADHD and the lack of rest...

Opinions are welcome...  Thanks!  Peace and Blessings...

"Could his extreme moods and episodes be due to the untreated sleep apnea? "

It COULD be related, but we're not doc's here, just spouses.  You may have to try an intervention of some type.  He needs help, and I know that your life is turned upside down as well.  There is a hidden desperation when one spouse has apnea.  Nobody can quite understand your exhaustion too...but we do.

When the apnea victim is exhausted it is difficult for him/her to reach out for help.  I once heard it described much the same as depression.  You're dying of thirst, you see the glass of water on the table, but you're so exhausted that you can't reach for the glass of water.  You may have to call the durable medical goods supplier to see what options are available, make the appointment, and go from there.

Wishing you well.

Dianne

Dianne,

Thanks for the input.  I am definitely feeling the desperation...  The mood swings are taking a toll on our relationship and the snoring is taking a toll on my own rest.  Well, it is actually not the snoring that keeps me awake, it is the stopping of the snoring when his breathing stops.  These little "panic attacks" keep me feeling on edge more than just at night.  I do not know if he will be responsive to me setting up the appointment for him, but I will try.  Thanks for the suggestion!

:o)  Kathy

My dh was diagnosed more than 4 years ago with severe sleep apnea.  He has gone through 2 sleep studies and was prescribed a CPAP machine.  He wore it faithfully for the first few months and I could tell he felt better throughout the day and I know I got better sleep too.  Then, he got lazy about the machine unless I complained about him snoring too loudly or commented on him ceasing to breath, thus shaking the bed when his bodily function kicked in again.

My hubby is 43 years old and a bit overweight.  He has OSA.  He now says that when he does where the CPAP, it feels like he is suffocating so he doesn't wear it.  I can see it affecting his daily responsibilities and activities.  He takes at least 2 naps a day; one after lunch and another about 4PM.  He will also often fall asleep during the evening while we watch movies or tv 'as a family'.  He was told by one doctor that it might help him breath better if he were to have the epligottis reduced in size as he believe that to be the culprit.  Dh has not had that done as we don't have the funds to cover the co-pay yet.  

I just don't know how to get through to him with how serious sleep apnea is!  He just shrugs his shoulders when I try to talk with him about it.  He thinks it's just a sleep disorder and can't affect all those other aspects of life!  I'll be checking these forums for more suggestions.  I'm glad I found this place for spouses!!  What a great support this can turn out to be for me!

Yep.  Me too.  I believe my husband has suffered with severe sleep apnea for years though it was only recently diagnosed as I "put my foot down" and made him have a sleep study.  He's had his mask for about 10 days and he wears it only part of the night.  He gets up to go to the bathroom and then leaves it off.  I will wake up and hear that the machine is off.  He says the full mask hurts his head and gives him a headache, but they told him because he is a mouth breather with severe sleep apnea he needs to wear the full mask.  AFter 25 years of marriage I know him well, and what he will do is just stop wearing it.   And, YES, if I say anthing to him he gets mad.  It's like I'm just being mean and nagging him because of the inconvenience of listening to him snore.  I have put up with a lot because of this disease through the years but now I have HAD IT.  He has been impotent for the last 10 years---since he was in his 30's----would not see a Physician for this problem because "it's embarrassing".  So I resigned myself to living without intimacy because I could not force him to be treated for this.   I've listened to him snore, stop breathing, gasp for breath, put up with him sleeping in the recliner for hours every afternoon (he thinks this is normal) but his irritable moods have progressed to the point that he is down right MEAN!  He's mean and nasty to me, to our grown daughter, and the grandkids.  I believe the LAST hope to save our marriage could be CPAP.  If he refuses to cooperate I don't see much hope of celebrating the 25th anniversary with him in February.  I'm really frustrated and really sad...I'm 49 years old...I don't want to have to be on my own.  I know that sounds pathetic.  I also don't want to lose my comfortable home and everything we've worked so hard for.  I'm frightened, but also depressed and fed up with his constant bitter complaints, fault-finding etc.

nubbin, PammaSue, 80slady,Dianne, and all the rest of the spouses, maybe I am out of place posting a comment in this section, as I am a husband and  I  also  have sleep apnea, and am being treated for it. But these post of yours have really touched me! They make me sad, and also some what ashamed, as I know at one time I was much like what you are describing of  some of your husbands, but that was before I knew I even had sleep apnea.

   My wife and children knew that there was  something wrong with me, long before I did, they told me I was cranky  and not  my normal self! They wanted to know what was wrong with me, I didn't know, I had other medical problems (bad back and stuff) so I blamed it on that! I did seek medical attention though, and  continued to press and seek medical treatment till  I finally got diagnosed, I  have went thru H--- before I finally got to the point where I am actually starting to feel better. But I did not give up, and even though for the longest time CPAP and BiPAP was not helping I still made myself use the mask and machine every night, all night long!
    
     I have such a hard time relating to the attitude, that you are describing of your spouses, I really think you need to show them what you are going thru, and what they are doing to you! I can't believe any man in his right mind would ever want to intentionally inflict the  type of pain and suffering  on their loved ones, that you all  have described and are experiencing. Maybe I am naive, but  I think maybe they ought to see this site, and read some of these post. I can't believe that reading some of these post wouldn't touch their heart, and make them realize  how wrong they are, and what pain and anguish they are causing, and how selfish they are acting by not being treated, or not following thru with their treatment! I am sorry for what you have went thru and what you continue to go thru, I  do wish you all the best, Good Luck to You


_________________
White Beard with a White Beard
Resmed VPAP Adapt SV Enhanced, HumidAire 2i, ResLink with Model 8000 Flex sensor Pulse Oximeter, and ResScan 3.5 software. Respironic EverFlo OPI Oxygen Concentrator 3 lpm
EEP 9.0, min PS 6.0, max PS 16.0

White I appreciate your post. I just want to make a short comment... I went through and still going through the same thing that the other spouses have said. You suggested that he should come on and read some of the posts. I'd love to get my husband to read some of these posts... But I know for a fact when he's in one of his moods (which has been a majority of the time) he'd probably get angry with me. Especially if he knew that I was posting complaints about him on here... Even though we all dont really know each other. I guess for my situation I feel it would be counterproductive.

But, what I also want to say is that I am thankful to others that are sharing here. It lets me know that this is a normal side affect of the apnea... Its an extremely hurtful and ugly side affect but at least I know its from the apnea and nothing else.

Thank you all for your continued support and encouragement. It helps keep me sane...

Suffering Spouse I thought about that when I wrote the post, and I know how mean and ugly some people can get, and believe me that is the last thing I would want to happen for any of you. You have all been thru more than  enough pain and anguish, I would not want any of you to go thru more. But there has to be away to get thru to all of the spouses that have Sleep Apnea and refuse to get treatment or are non-compliant with it! You just can not be expected to continually day in and day out, to put up with being treated this way, it is not fair, it is not right, and it is not even humane. It ANGERS  me, (more than you will know) you help them and support them, but they also took vows in marriage, it is about time they started upholding their end of the contract! I do wish you all well, and hope that things work out for  all  of you!!!


_________________
White Beard with a White Beard
Resmed VPAP Adapt SV Enhanced, HumidAire 2i, ResLink with Model 8000 Flex sensor Pulse Oximeter, and ResScan 3.5 software. Respironic EverFlo OPI Oxygen Concentrator 3 lpm
EEP 9.0, min PS 6.0, max PS 16.0

Great White Beard,

I made it through the rain about 20 years ago.  I just wanted the others to know there is hope.  My husband has become a crusader, like you.  He has influenced at least 3 others to go to sleep doc.  No doubt he saved their families from disaster and loss as well.

Thanks for the pity, but I'm well past that and just trying to tell others that life can get better.

Dianne

Dianne, I am going to say again that your story gives me inspiration to keep fighting. I'm having another rough day today after having a bit of a rough night with him last night. The feelings of being unappreciated and not realizing that I am trying to help is really affecting me. Makes it hard to believe that there is that sweet person in there that I used to know... Something so simple as sleeping is unobtainable for him and thats all it would take to help him... Things just seem so complicated...

*sigh*

I am really relieved (though recognizing all of our frustrations) that I am not the only one.  I too feel unappreciated. I receive the constant accusations, snyde remarks and extreme defensiveness regularly.  When I explain to him that I do not want him to lose self-control when we go out due to lack of rest, he tells me I am just trying to punish him.  I am trying to avoid my own punishment!  He actually does try hard to "behave" when I call it out in advance, but not out of recognizing that this is an actual issue that could be easily remedied by sleep.  I am lifted with some hope by Dianne's messages and am also thankful for men such as White Beard!  Thanks for communicating with us "women" on our level and acknowledging our feelings!  I am only speaking for myself, but I very rarely feel "heard" by my husband.  He "bulldozes" over my words constantly with interruptions and elevating emotion and volume in his voice.  Thanks to all who are participating to support each other here so I can have a means to cope...

:o)  Kathy

Dianne I am sorry if my post came off as me having pity for all of you, I am sure this is not what any of you want! and I don't want to come off that way, but I do feel a great sense of compassion  for all of you though! For the ones that are going thru these difficult times now and the ones that went thru it previously. There are a few things in this world that really really get to me, and really bother me!, and right at the top  of my list is the treatment ones children and the treatment of ones spouse!
 80slady I know all to well how sleep apnea can change a person, but I also know that there is a treatment! I do acknowledge your feelings as one "equal" human being to another. I just wish your spouses could also do that! Good Luck You


_________________
White Beard with a White Beard
Resmed VPAP Adapt SV Enhanced, HumidAire 2i, ResLink with Model 8000 Flex sensor Pulse Oximeter, and ResScan 3.5 software. Respironic EverFlo OPI Oxygen Concentrator 3 lpm
EEP 9.0, min PS 6.0, max PS 16.0

No offense taken.  I think it's great that a guy wants to post helpful suggestions in this forum.